As evidenced by my 1,318 friend count, I rarely reject a friend request. That being said, I’m not so liberal when it comes to accepting invitations to join suspect groups and causes. But for many, a sense of “Facebook complacency” has set in: Rather than properly vetting friend requests and group invites, they’re prone to not pay attention, miss a few details, and join a group they’ll soon regret.

Incidentally, University of Florida lineman Jim “Jimbo” Tartt is either slap-happy when accepting group invites, or he’s just a moron (I’m inclined to believe it’s the latter). On Tuesday, the Florida senior joined “Africa gives nothing to anyone — except AIDS.” My advice to ole’ Jimbo: Be HIV-positive when joining any group in the future that it won’t burn your 315 pound ass.

Tartt’s momentary lapse of judgment – quickly remedied by deleting his entire account – is all the more awkward given his major: Anthropology, i.e. the study of humanity.

While the University gives serious consideration to Tartt’s athletic future, let’s review the group in question, shall we?

It will win no friends, and will provoke the self-righteous wrath of, well, the self-righteous, letter-writing wrathful, a species which never fails to contaminate almost every debate in life with its sneers and its moral superiority. So be it.

[…]

Indeed, we now have almost an entire continent of sexually hyperactive indigents, with tens of millions of people who only survive because of help from the outside world.

[…]

How much morality is there in saving an Ethiopian child from starvation today, for it to survive to a life of brutal circumcision, poverty, hunger, violence and sexual abuse, resulting in another half-dozen such wide-eyed children, with comparably jolly little lives ahead of them? Of course, it might make you feel better, which is a prime reason for so much charity. But that is not good enough. For self-serving generosity has been one of the curses of Africa. It has sustained political systems which would otherwise have collapsed.

It prolonged the Eritrean-Ethiopian war by nearly a decade. It is inspiring Bill Gates’ programme to rid the continent of malaria, when, in the almost complete absence of personal self-discipline, that disease is one of the most efficacious forms of population-control now operating.

If his programme is successful, tens of millions of children who would otherwise have died in infancy will survive to adulthood, he boasts. Oh good: then what? I know. Let them all come here. Yes, that’s an idea.

Andrew Pennison, the verbose author of the above manifesto, had one thing right: He won’t be making any allies with these racially-charged epithets, though he’s evidently unaware of Africa’s abundant natural gas and mineral resources. One would assume Tartt, an Anthropology major, would be aware of this…

Here’s an obvious tip (barring Arkansans): If you have inappropriate pictures of your wife (husband, significant other) on your phone, don’t leave it at McDonalds for some unsuspecting, biggie-sized patrons to stumble upon them.

Phillip Sherman of Arkansas learned that lesson the hard way (no pun intended), after leaving behind his phone—complete with pictures that would Larry Flynt blushing—in a Fayetteville-area store. But before Sherman could retrieve the phone, its contents had been compromised and posted to the internet. Now, Sherman and his not-so camera shy wife, Tiny, are suing McDonald’s Corp, the franchise owner, and the on-duty manager for $3 million in damages. The couple filed suit on Friday, citing undue embarrassment, mental suffering, and demanding reimbursement for the cost of a new home.

While utterly laughable, this case is downright foolish. In their frivilous quest for mental and monetary damages, the Shermans might as well sue former Vice President Al Gore for “inventing the internet,” i.e. the medium by which these pictures were distributed.

There is an implicit risk in taking pictures of a graphic nature, and while I feel for the mental anguish Tina Sherman suffered, this lawsuit almost makes me wish “McDonalds girl” goes viral. 

To “keep the momentum going,” ie continue their 5 month Obama circle jerk, Team MoveOn has broken from their almost daily cash solicitation to embark on a new journey of enlightenment:

It’s clear that MoveOn members are fired up and ready to go! So we’ve decided to hold "Fired up and ready to go" gatherings in every community next Thursday, November 20th. We’ll get together to celebrate our big win, brainstorm next steps for our organizing, and kick off our efforts to help Obama make bold, progressive changes.

We need someone in your neighborhood to host a gathering so that everyone who helped make this victory possible can come together to keep the momentum going. Can you host a gathering? (I wasn’t pretentious enough to bolden the above excerpt; "Nita, Justin, Karin, Anna and the rest of the team" were already on top of that)

These Obama “gatherings”—which, as far as I can tell, amounts to an Obama commune (an Obammune if you will)—seems suspiciously familiar to Paulville, the “libertarian paradise” and quasi-commune.

Question 1: What meaningful results, or continued momentum, can really come from these gatherings? More to the point, what’s a good metric to judge continued momentum? (High approval rating, I suspect) Question 2: Does MoveOn even have the time to orchestrate such a considerable undertaking? After all, libeling a 4 star general is full-time work.

Craig Newmark, founder of the popular internet classifieds listing site Craigslist, and crew intend to make it markedly tougher for our prostitute friends to post an ad on their “Erotic Services” message board, reports Reuters. Authorities from 40 US states, the District of Columbia, the Virgin Islands, and Guam have brokered a deal with Newmark, whose listings are generally free, to require would-be prostitutes to pay a fee with a valid credit card and provide a working phone number.

While Craigslist’s Terms of Use have long since prohibited advertising illegal activity, they remain hopeful the new measures will solve the growing problem.  "Requiring credit-card verification, and charging a fee to post in this category raises accountability to a point where we expect few illicit ads will remain," Craigslist chief executive  Jim Buckmaster said. “More than ever,” he crowed, “those who would misuse Craigslist to violate the law will find that Craigslist is a very inhospitable place.”

Richard Blumenthal, Connecticut’s Attorney General and resident 40 year old virgin, spearheaded the campaign to raise accountability and transparency with the San Francisco-based company. Given Blumenthal’s insufferable crusade, one would imagine Connecticut would have the lowest crime in the United States, but of course they’d be wrong. According to Uniform Crime Records, Connecticut was ranked 36th in the Union for highest crimes in 2007. Call me crazy, but shouldn’t Blumenthal (and the other 39 state Attorney Generals) be focusing on something more pressing, like, say, the 658 forcible rapes, the 3,067 robberies, or the 8,965 violent crimes committed in the Constitution State instead of waging a full-scale war on these “sensual massage therapists?”

For God’s sake, will someone give this man a lay? I hear Elliot Spitzer still has a few connections…

Just makes you sick, huh? No doubt Obama’s sharing comrades—Mr. Rogers, Barney, Dora the Explorer—are tickled pink, or purple in the dinosaur’s case.